In Romans 12:20, we see the apostle Paul referencing Proverbs 25:21-22. In a modern Western way of thinking, the term “heap coals of fire on his head” gives me the idea that I’m exacting some type of vengeance or convicting with shame by being kind to people I don’t like and who don’t like me. But the day, age, and context in which these words were written and spoken tells me the phrase means something very different.
I’ve found a couple different things people think “heap coals of fire on his head” means. A few sources say this saying stems from an ancient Egyptian custom wherein someone would carry a bowl of hot coals on their head as an expression of public repentance for a wrong they’d committed. A few other sources, which make more sense in the context of the verses above, say this saying stems from your fire going out at home and you needing to take a bowl, which was carried on the head, to your neighbor’s house to ask for some live coals from their fire to start yours.
I’ll tell you why the second one makes more sense to me. Back then, it was important to always have a fire burning in your house. No fire, no cooking. No fire, no heat. No fire, no daily needs met. Overnight the fire might die down a bit, but it wasn’t usually completely dead and you could get it going again from the embers or live coals. Since it could take a very long time to start a fire from scratch, if your fire went out at home, you would go to your neighbor’s or a friend’s house to ask them for some of their live coals to take home so you could start your fire faster and easier. To carry it back home, you’d have a big bowl that was shaped to be carried on your head, usually with a cushion under it to keep your head from burning. Heaping plenty of coals into the bowl saw to it that there was enough still going by the time you got home so your fire could start and you could see to your and your family’s daily needs. Since this fire was such an essential thing, and since food and drink are so essential, it makes sense that in the context of these verses that you’d be helping see to your enemy’s daily needs. This isn’t about vengeance, this is about helping someone even if you have reasons not to do so. On top of that, right before the Romans 12:20 reference is verse 19, which says that vengeance is God’s, so us heaping coals of fire on someone’s head wouldn’t be an act of vengeance, it would be an act of service.
The point is summed up in verse 21: We are not to be overcome by evil, but to overcome evil with good. What better way to do that than respond with kindness to people we can’t stand and who can’t stand us? What better way to show what the love of God looks like than see to someone’s daily needs when you’d otherwise have reasons not to? Vengeance belongs to God, but He tells us to love people first, setting the example by loving everyone Himself.