I’ve recently had the book of Esther in my Bible reading, and though I’ve read it many times before, this time it started to seem like a soap opera, and that realization was funny to me. Think about it:
King Ahasuerus throws a huge party, then calls for his wife to show her off. She’s having her own party and refuses to come to his, maybe because she didn’t want to be made a gazing-stock. Whatever the reason, Ahasuerus is extremely angry and asks for some advice. He is advised to banish his wife, but after he does so he gets sad about it. He’s then advised to get a hot new wife so he won’t think about the other one.
During the process of seeking a new queen, the king’s servants gather a harem of gorgeous young women. Esther ends up there. Mordecai, the man who raised Esther after her parents died, advises her to keep her nationality as a Jew and her family relationship to him a secret. Esther is so good-looking that almost everyone likes her. She also seems to have a very attractive personality as well, and was given the best place in the house. Ahasuerus finds Esther so amazingly beautiful that he makes her the new queen (and we later see he is willing to do nearly anything for her). After that, Mordecai uncovers a plot against the king, so sends word through Esther to save the king.
Mordecai happens to refuse to bow to an important official who is very close to the king, Haman. Haman is so full of himself he can’t handle it that one man refuses to bow to him like everyone else when he walks by, but he doesn’t feel like it would be expedient to just lay hands on Mordecai, likely because it would make Haman look bad. So Haman conspires to get Mordecai and all the people of his nationality killed. Haman comes up with a round-about reason to tell the king about his plan to kill the Jews, then gets very free and open authority from the king to set up a date for the slaughter to happen. The Jews are devastated when they hear of it.
Mordecai tells Esther she’d better talk to the king about the Jews and reveal her nationality, hoping she can save the Jews. Esther is afraid to talk to the king, since appearing unsummoned before him always results in the death penalty unless he just decides otherwise, and the king hasn’t summoned her recently. But Mordecai tells her that just because she’s the queen doesn’t mean she’ll get out of this, and besides, maybe she’s happened to be queen for this specific time to save her people. Esther gathers her courage and agrees to talk to the king.
When Esther appears before the king, because Ahasuerus likes her so much, he allows her to approach and no death penalty is imposed. He asks her what she’d like, saying he’ll give her anything she want’s up to half his kingdom. One might think Esther could just let all the information be known here, but she decides to be diplomatic and political about revealing her nationality and about accusing Haman, likely because of the sensitivity of a such a revelation and because Haman is so close to the king. Esther asks the king and Haman to come to a banquet she’s having for them that same day. They attend, and once Ahasuerus is happy and relaxed, he asks Esther again what she wants, reiterating that he’ll give her anything up to half his kingdom. She continues the political route, and asks the king and Haman to attend another banquet tomorrow, then she’ll tell the king what she wants.
Haman goes home high off self-importance, ready to brag to his wife and friends about how he was a special guest at a banquet the queen had for the king and himself, and how he’s invited to another one tomorrow. But then his entire ego is deflated when he passes Mordecai and doesn’t get a bow. He gets incredibly angry, but decides to refrain himself and just go home. He brags to his wife and friends, then laments like a drama queen about how all this feels meaningless because he has to see Mordecai. Haman’s wife and friends all stroke Haman’s ego, encouraging him to just build a gallows and hang Mordecai. Haman feels better and immediately has the gallows constructed.
For whatever reason, Ahasuerus can’t sleep that night. He calls for the chronicles and records to be read to him, either because they’re boring and would put him to sleep, or because he felt like he needed to review something. The portion of the records happens to be on Mordecai saving the king from a conspiracy, and Ahasuerus asks if anything had been done to honor and thank Mordecai. Nothing had been done, so he begins thinking of what to do. He asks if anyone happens to be around. Haman is. It seems he is so excited about talking to the king about hanging Mordecai, that he’s there early in the morning. The king calls for Haman to see if he has any ideas about honoring someone. The king doesn’t mention who he’d like to honor, and Haman is certain that the king must mean him, so he lays it on thick, saying whoever the king wants to honor should wear a robe that the king has worn, sit on the king’s horse, wear the royal crown, and have someone important lead them around the streets proclaiming how big of a deal this person is to the king. Ahasuerus thinks that’s a great idea, and tells Haman to go ahead and do that for Mordecai.
Haman is crushed. He does what he’s told, but as soon as he’s done he runs off home, humiliated and mourning, to complain to his wife and friends. These people had just encouraged him last night to hang Mordecai, and now all of a sudden they’re telling Haman that he’s begun to fall and stands no chance against Mordecai. They way they say things, it’s almost like they’re prophesying Haman’s downfall. While they’re talking, some people come by to get Haman for the second banquet Esther had prepared.
At the banquet, the king Ahasuerus once again asks Esther what she wants, still saying he’ll give her anything up to half the kingdom. Esther then petitions the king for her life and the lives of her people, letting him know they have been sold to be slain. The king is understandably very upset that someone would dare do such a thing to his wife, and asks who would dare do so. Esther tells the king that it’s Haman. Haman is suddenly terrified, and the king is suddenly full of rage. The king goes for a walk to calm down. Meanwhile Haman begins to beg Esther for his life, certain the king will kill him. As he is begging Esther, he falls onto the furniture she is sitting on. That’s when the king comes back, and he exclaims that Haman is trying to force his wife. Some people come and cover Haman’s face just then, probably ready to take him away. Right then, as if they’d been waiting for an opportunity against Haman, someone just so happens to speak to the king about the gallows that just so happens to be on Haman’s property, that just so happens to have been intended for Mordecai. The king angrily orders that Haman be hanged there instead, and when that is done the king settles down.
But the Jews are not out of danger yet. The king takes the authority he’d given to Haman and gives it to Mordecai, and Esther again begs the king to save her people, asking for letters to be sent to reverse the letters that Haman had sent to destroy the Jews. The king gives Mordecai and Esther full authority to write in the king’s name whatever they feel is necessary. Because whatever is sealed with the king’s ring cannot be reversed and Haman had the king’s ring before, Mordecai and Esther write a new decree with the king’s ring that the Jews may legally defend and avenge themselves. The Jews celebrate. Everyone becomes afraid of the Jews, and some even help the Jews defend themselves from those who still dare to attack them on the predetermined date. The Jews decide not to lay their hands on the spoils of those who attack, thereby making the statement that they’re only defending themselves and have no desire to cause further harm. After everything is said and done, the Jews start a new tradition to celebrate how they were saved from destruction.
Honestly, I think I’d like to see a biblically accurate yet tastefully dramatized soap opera-esque version of Esther just for the fun of it. What do you think?